Susan Collins Unable to Decide Whether to Wash Hands
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Senator Susan Collins, of Maine, has not decided whether she will wash her hands in response to the coronavirus outbreak, Collins confirmed on Friday.
Speaking to reporters at the Capitol, Collins said that she was “deeply troubled” by the behavior of the covid-19 virus.
“The behavior of the coronavirus is, to me, profoundly disturbing,” she said. “Whether it rises to the level of something I should respond to by washing my hands is a question I am devoting a great deal of thought to right now.”
Collins said that she had set “no timetable” for deciding whether to wash her hands, stressing that it was a decision “I do not take lightly.”
As of press time, Collins was spotted standing outside a Senate washroom, seemingly immobilized.
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