TALLAHASSEE, Florida (The Borowitz Report)—Calling the delay in the release of the Iowa caucus results “a threat to democracy,” the state of Florida has offered to help Iowa with the vote-counting process.
Harland Dorrinson, a spokesman for Florida’s official electoral commission, said on Tuesday morning that “Florida stands ready and willing to restore credibility to Iowa’s vote-tabulation procedures.”
Dorrinson added that Katherine Harris, Florida’s former secretary of state, was eager to “roll up her sleeves and clean up Iowa’s mess.”
“Just say the word, Iowa, and Katherine Harris will be on the next plane out,” he said.
For their part, Iowa Democratic Party officials said that they were already making great progress in counting the caucus results, and that early returns indicated that a white person had won.
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