BAGHDAD (The Borowitz Report)—In a meeting with Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki on Monday, Secretary of State John Kerry stressed the importance of forming a unity government in Iraq but refused to commit to a timetable for creating one in the United States.
The sensitive topic of a unity government for the United States came at the end of a thirty-minute meeting, during which Secretary Kerry lectured the Iraqi Prime Minister about the value of a government “where people of different parties put aside their differences, make meaningful compromises, and work together for the good of the nation.”
Taking this in, al-Maliki agreed that it was an excellent idea and politely asked Secretary Kerry if the United States had ever considered forming such a government.
According to observers, Kerry appeared to be caught off guard by this question and blurted out,”You first.”
Despite that awkward moment, after the meeting Kerry said that he had not “totally slammed the door” on the idea of a unity government in the United States.
“Let’s just get one formed in Iraq,” he said. “If it works out for them, maybe someday we’ll give it a try.”
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