WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The Senate’s confirmation of Betsy DeVos as Education Secretary means that immigrants will be the nation’s only reliable source of educated people going forward, education experts said on Tuesday.
Under DeVos, according to Davis Logsdon, the dean of the University of Minnesota’s School of Education, the U.S. will have to “drastically increase its inflow of immigrants” if it wants people capable of performing even the simplest tasks.
“Most of our industries require people who can read, write, and do arithmetic, even in a rudimentary way,” he said. “The Senate just shot that to hell.”
With DeVos running the Department of Education, Logsdon said, millions of American students “will graduate from high school each year without mastering any useful skills—in other words, much like DeVos herself.”
The spectre of an economy plagued by workers “operating at a DeVos level of sub-proficiency” means that the United States will need to do everything in its power to attract educated immigrants to its shores, he said.
Logsdon did not offer a complete list of countries with people whom the U.S. should try to lure, but he said that a partial list would include Iraq, Iran, Syria, Yemen, Sudan, Somalia, and Libya.
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