"Trump Says He Has No Idea Who The Mysterious FBI Informant Is"
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump said on Monday that he is “a-hundred-per-cent positive” that an F.B.I. informant infiltrated his 2016 campaign but that he has “absolutely no idea” who that mole might be.
“I’ve been trying to figure out who would have the opportunity and the motive to do something like this,” he said. “But I keep coming up empty.”
“Opportunity-wise, you’d need to be someone who’s in my inner circle and who could get close to me without raising suspicions,” he said.
“But, then again, the person would have to be able to suddenly disappear for periods of time and report back to the F.B.I. I can’t think of anyone in a position to do that.”
“As for motive, you’d really have to be out to get me,” Trump added. “Now, I have enemies like anyone else. But I can’t think of anyone I’ve given a reason to really, really hate me.”
Trump said that he would “keep trying to figure out who it is,” but he admitted that, at this point, the informant’s identity was “a total mystery.”
“I’m kind of an amateur detective,” Trump said. “I watch ‘Law & Order,’ I watch all the ‘Law & Order’s. I watch all the shows. But, I’ve got to say, this one has me stumped.”
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