Monday, August 15, 2016

The Borowitz Report: "Trump Blames Bad Poll Numbers On Existence Of The Numerical System"

Donald "Pus Gargle" Trump Makes Shit Up. Crowds Cheer. | made w/ Imgflip meme maker

Compendium Of Pax Posts About Donald Trump, Updated July 31, 2016


YOUNGSTOWN, OHIO (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump lashed out at a new target on Monday, blaming his bad poll numbers on the existence of the numerical system.
In sometimes rambling remarks at an outdoor rally in Ohio, the Republican Presidential nominee called the numerical system “rigged” and unleashed a torrent of abuse on numbers themselves, calling them “disgusting” and “the lowest form of life.”
“It’s why I won’t release my taxes,” he said. “They’re full of goddam numbers.”
While Republican candidates in the past have attempted to exploit their supporters’ distrust of math, Trump is believed to be the first nominee to call into question the numerical system itself.
Behind the scenes, G.O.P. insiders fretted that, in attacking the very existence of numbers, Trump was veering wildly off message.
"He should be talking about Hillary Clinton, and instead he’s going off on integers,” one insider said.
Officially, aides remained upbeat about the campaign and denied reports that Trump was spending an increasingly large portion of each day angrily muttering to himself and chewing on paper.

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