Monday, August 15, 2016

Andy Borowitz' Last Three "Reports" Are Side-Splittingly Funny

The Borowitz Report: "Trump Blasts Media For Reporting What He Says"

The Borowitz Report: "Trump Says He Would Only Use Nuclear Weapons In A Sarcastic Way"

The Borowitz Report: "Trump Blames Bad Poll Numbers On Existence Of The Numerical System"

The Bonus Round!

Borowitz: "Seemingly Decent Human Beings' Involvement In 2016 Election Confuses Voters"

Alan: I have lived in Europe and recently spent a month in Spain with 15 members of my extended family.

Whenever I - or any of my American loved - have needed medical attention in Europe, it has been free of charge.

Personally, I have never needed medical care in France. 

But anyone who needs care in France -- be they French or non-French -- pays the equivalent of $8.00 (U.S.) for each doctor's visit. 

Since this payment may be deferred, medical care is never denied for lack of money.

American In Paris Gives Birth To Baby Girl: What Did It Cost?

"Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys"

The Quintessential Conservative Nightmare A Free Lunch | made w/ Imgflip meme maker

Conservative Pet Owner Repulsed By The Thought Of A Free Lunch | made w/ Imgflip meme maker

The Hard, Central Truth Of Contemporary Conservatism

The hard, central "fact" of contemporary "conservatism" is its insistence on a socio-economic threshold above which people deserve government assistance, and below which people deserve to die. 

The sooner the better. 

Unless conservatives are showing n'er-do-wells The Door of Doom, they just don't "feel right." 

To allay this chthonic anxiety, they resort to Human Sacrifice,  hoping that spilled blood will placate "the angry gods," including the one they've made of themselves. 

Having poked their eyes out, they fail to see  that self-generated wrath creates "the gods" who hold them thrall.

Almost "to a man," contemporary "conservatives" have apotheosized themselves and now -- sitting on God's usurped throne -- are rabid to pass Final Judgment

Self-proclaimed Christians, eager to thrust "the undeserving" through The Gates of Hell, are the very people most likely to cross its threshold. 

Remarkably, none of them are tempted to believe this. 


"The Hard, Central Truth Of Contemporary Conservatism"

Are Highly Religious People Less Compassionate?

Conservative Christians Delight In The Punishment And Pain Of Others

Punishment Rarely Reforms But Instead Tends To Reinforce Wrongdoing

James' Epistle: "Judgment Without Mercy Will Be Shown To Anyone Who Has Not Shown Mercy"

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