Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in
the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best
'Did you see the paper?' asked Gallagher. 'They say I died!!'
'Yes, I saw it!' replied Finney. 'Where are ye callin' from?'
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for
speeding in Connecticut . The state trooper smells alcohol on the
priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the
He says, 'Sir, have you been drinking?'
'Just water,' says the priest.
The trooper says, 'Then why do I smell wine?'
The priest looks at the bottle and says, 'Good Lord! He's done it again!'
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an
important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a
parking place I will go to Mass every for the rest of me life
and give up me Irish Whiskey!'
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man
he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'
The man said, 'I do, Father..'
The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.'
Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'
'Certainly, Father,' was the man's reply.
'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, 'Do you want to go
O'Toole said, 'No, I don't Father.'
The priest said, 'I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when
you die you don't want to go to heaven?'
O'Toole said, 'Oh, when I die, yes. ; I thought you were getting a
group together to go right now.'
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a
stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.'
'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'
'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and
'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?'
She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'
Irish Joke #5