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Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Reprise: Jesus And The Democrat. (Leeches And The Republican)

Leeches
(The "leech parable" entitled "Jesus And The Democrat" is located at the bottom of this post.)

Dear John,

Thanks for your email.

The conservative presumption that Democrats are so lazy they want to "get on disability and stay there" has nothing to do with the hard-working lives of Hispanics who voted 71% for Obama nor the 73% of Asian-Americans who did the same. 

Similarly, my university-trained liberal friends work passionately at their "jobs" - and also in their communities. 

Most liberals I know would be unhappy lounging about.

On the other hand, when I visit WalMart I see a steady stream of rednecks so grotesquely out of shape it's a marvel they can move much less work. 

That said, I doubt many WalMartians need to move much in the first place since couch potato-hood only requires but one finger to operate the remote. (I myself reserve an entire finger just for American rednecks.)

Republicans -- at least the swelling ranks of dimwitted ones -- are constitutionally unable to understand socio-political progress as a collaborative effort between private and public sectors. 

Conservatives want to be left alone -- presumably to "make money" -- although, judging by the rednecks in their ranks, only a small percentage of them bring home much bacon. Maybe 1%.

If everyone is left to his own devices... so the thinking goes.... the "invisible hand of the marketplace" will take care of "the general welfare" with no need for social, economic and political collaboration to advance The Human Project. Blessedly, "progress is automatic"... if we just get out of the way and let free markets work their magic (as they did  during the run-up to The Great Depression and The Great Recession).

"Republican Rule And Economic Catastrophe: A Lockstep Relationship"

 

This inability to comprehend that social progress is a collaborative effort leaves conservatives constantly "circling the wagons," "digging trenches" and "arming themselves to the teeth" in order to forfend the Hydra-headed menace that their paranoid ideation conjures. 

These Rugged Paranoids (to properly re-classify those "conservatives" formerly known as "rugged individualists") are themselves disproportionately "on the take." 

And because their porcine self-aggrandizement knows no bound they don't want anyone else "horning in" on their cornered markets, re-distributing the frightully scarce resources whose control they strive to maintain. 

"John Oliver: The Rich Keep The Game Rigged While Americans Cling To False Optimism"


Happily, collaborative effort brings realization that economics is not a zero sum game and that prosperity grows with the expansion of social capital.

"Bowling Alone and Economic Mobility"


Take a close look at "Red State Moocher Links" (below) and you will see that the Blue States are the most economically productive.

Furthermore, the Blue States exhibit unusual generosity, willing to supply disproportionate assistance to the bitchy, tight-fisted, vengeful, racist conservatives who live in underproductive, uncharitable Red States.

"Republican Party Is Full Of Racists," Colin Powell's Chief Of Staff

It seems counter-intuitive to allege that conservatives are particularly parasitic but it's an incontrovertible fact.

Most rank-and-file conservatives are "gimme" leeches in comparison to the magnanimous kindness exhibited by Blue States. 

The record speaks for itself.

"Red State Moocher Links"

I encourage you to share this email with your conservative son (Giovanni?) and learn how he responds to my analysis -- not ideologically, but as a practical matter. (As soon as we enter the domain of "perfectly pure principles" conservatives can pretend to prove anything. The nitty-gritty facts, on the other hand, speak for themselves without need for ideological fantasy.)

Ask your son to provide you with actual data showing that Blue States are not more generous than Red States, and that Red States do not suck up hugely more government assistance than Blue States. 

Ask him for means-tested proof that Blue State liberals do not make massive transfer payments to Red State conservatives.

This Blue State giving and Red State taking has prevailed since The Civil War. 

And the trend line continues.

Although you may have already read "Fuck The South," it deserves regular review. 
Fuck the South!
(Please pardon the author's "French")
http://www.fuckthesouth.com/
(Although many of the links in "Fuck The South" are now broken, 
I fact-checked them all when this article was first posted.)
November 3, 2004
Fuck the South. Fuck 'em. We should have let them go when they wanted to leave. But no, we had to kill half a million people so they'd stay part of our special Union. Fighting for the right to keep slaves - yeah, those are states we want to keep.
And now what do we get? We're the fucking Arrogant Northeast Liberal Elite? How about this for arrogant: the South is the Real America? The AuthenticAmerica. Really?
Cause we fucking founded this country, assholes. Those Founding Fathers you keep going on and on about? All that bullshit about what you think they meant by the Second Amendment giving you the right to keep your assault weapons in the glove compartment because you didn't bother to read the first half of the fucking sentence? Who do you think those wig-wearing lacy-shirt sporting revolutionaries were? They were fucking blue-staters, dickhead. Boston? Philadelphia? New York? Hello? Think there might be a reason all the fucking monuments are up here in our backyard?
No, No. Get the fuck out. We're not letting you visit the Liberty Bell and fucking Plymouth Rock anymore until you get over your real American selves and start respecting those other nine amendments. Who do you think those fucking stripes on the flag are for? Nine are for fucking blue states. And it would be 10 if those Vermonters had gotten their fucking Subarus together and broken off from New York a little earlier. Get it? We started this shit, so don't get all uppity about how real you are you Johnny-come-lately "Oooooh I've been a state for almost a hundred years" dickheads. Fuck off.
Arrogant? You wanna talk about us North-Easterners being fucking arrogant? What's more American than arrogance? Hmmm? Maybe horsies? I don't think so. Arrogance is the fucking cornerstone of what it means to be American. And I wouldn't be so fucking arrogant if I wasn't paying for your fucking bridges, bitch.
All those Federal taxes you love to hate? It all comes from us and goes to you, so shut up and enjoy your fucking Tennessee Valley Authority electricity and your fancy highways that we paid for. And the next time Florida gets hit by a hurricane you can come crying to us if you want to, but you're the ones who built on a fucking swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, it’s a shithole," we said, but you had to have your fucking orange juice.
The next dickwad who says, "It’s your money, not the government's money" is gonna get their ass kicked. Nine of the ten states that get the most federal fucking dollars and pay the least... can you guess? Go on, guess. That’s right, motherfucker, they're red states. And eight of the ten states that receive the least and pay the most? It’s too easy, asshole, they’re blue states. It’s not your money, assholes, it’s fucking our money. What was that Real American Value you were spouting a minute ago? Self reliance? Try this for self reliance: buy your own fucking stop signs, assholes.
Let’s talk about those values for a fucking minute. You and your Southern values can bite my ass because the blue states got the values over you fucking Real Americans every day of the goddamn week. Which state do you think has the lowest divorce rate you marriage-hyping dickwads? Well? Can you guess? It’s fucking Massachusetts, the fucking center of the gay marriage universe. Yes, that’s right, the state you love to tie around the neck of anyone to the left of Strom Thurmond has the lowest divorce rate in the fucking nation. Think that’s just some aberration? How about this: 9 of the 10 lowest divorce rates are fucking blue states, asshole, and most are in the Northeast, where our values suck so bad. And where are the highest divorce rates? Care to fucking guess? 10 of the top 10 are fucking red-ass we're-so-fucking-moral states. And while Nevada is the worst, the Bible Belt is doing its fucking part.
But two guys making out is going to fucking ruin marriage for you? Yeah? Seems like you're ruining it pretty well on your own, you little bastards. Oh, but that's ok because you go to church, right? I mean you do, right? Cause we fucking get to hear about it every goddamn year at election time. Yes, we're fascinated by how you get up every Sunday morning and sing, and then you're fucking towers of moral superiority. Yeah, that's a workable formula. Maybe us fucking Northerners don't talk about religion as much as you because we're not so busy sinning, hmmm? Ever think of that, you self-righteous assholes? No, you're too busy erecting giant stone tablets of the Ten Commandments in buildings paid for by the fucking Northeast Liberal Elite. And who has the highest murder rates in the nation? It ain't us up here in the North, assholes.
Well this gravy train is fucking over. Take your liberal-bashing, federal-tax-leaching, confederate-flag-waving, holier-than-thou, hypocritical bullshit and shove it up your ass.
On Tue, Jul 15, 2014 at 5:29 PM, JT wrote:
Sad to say Alan I fear that this is the way many people perceive dems even though it's a misconception. How do we change intelligent people's thinking?
John

----- Original Message -----
From: AK
To: Undisclosed Recipients
Sent: Tuesday, July 15, 2014 5:10 PM
Subject: FW: Jesus and the Democrat


        JESUS AND THE DEMOCRAT
        (I don't care what party you like, this one's funny!!) the worlds is a mess
        but we got to keep laughing as laughter is the best
        medicine................................


        A Republican, in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked
        the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the
        restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"

        The waitress nodded "yes," so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.

        The next patron to come in was a Libertarian, with a hunched back. He
        shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a
        cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that
        Jesus, over here?"

        The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot
        tea, "My treat."

        The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He
        hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there honey! ,How's
        about getting me a cold glass of wine?" He too looked across the restaurant
        and asked, "Isn't that God's boy over there?

        The waitress nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold glass of wine. "On my bill," he said loudly.

        As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Republican felt the strength come
        back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.

        Jesus passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, "For your kindness,
        you are healed." The Libertarian felt his back straightening up and he
        raised his hands, praised the Lord, and did a series of back flips out the
        door.

        Then, Jesus walked towards the Democrat, just smiling.

        The Democrat jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me ... I'm collecting
        disability."
Elaine



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