Dear Red States:
We're ticked off at your troglodytic politics and have decided to secede.
We have decided to create own country.
New York is the capital and we're taking the other Blue States with us.
This split will be beneficial to both parts of our newly-divided nation and especially to the founding constitutents of The Enlightened States of America (E.S.A).
In brief; you get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois - and the rest of the Northeast. (We are negotiating a new federation with Canada since they already incorporate all the "social goods" which we couldn't even consider as long as we were hobbled by The Bible Belt.)
We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get Andrew Cuomo and Elizabeth Warren.
We're ticked off at your troglodytic politics and have decided to secede.
We have decided to create own country.
New York is the capital and we're taking the other Blue States with us.
This split will be beneficial to both parts of our newly-divided nation and especially to the founding constitutents of The Enlightened States of America (E.S.A).
In brief; you get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois - and the rest of the Northeast. (We are negotiating a new federation with Canada since they already incorporate all the "social goods" which we couldn't even consider as long as we were hobbled by The Bible Belt.)
We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get Andrew Cuomo and Elizabeth Warren.
You get Bobby Jindal and Todd Akin.
We get the Statue of Liberty.
We get the Statue of Liberty.
You get The Confederate Memorial. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stone_Mountain
We get Intel and Microsoft.
We get Intel and Microsoft.
You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard.
We get Harvard.
You get Ole Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama.
We produce two-thirds of the former Union's tax revenue.
We produce two-thirds of the former Union's tax revenue.
Good luck getting the red states to pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families.
You get a bunch of single moms whose family trees don't fork.
The Enlightened States of America control 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the avocadoes, artichokes, almonds, pistachios and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines, 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy League and Seven Sister schools plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Berkely, Madison, Cal Tech and MIT.
The Red States have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Liberty University and .
We get Hollywood and Yosemite.
The Enlightened States of America control 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the avocadoes, artichokes, almonds, pistachios and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines, 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy League and Seven Sister schools plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Berkely, Madison, Cal Tech and MIT.
The Red States have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Liberty University and .
We get Hollywood and Yosemite.
You get "The Creation Museum" and "Great Dismal Swamp." http://creationmuseum.org/
38% of Red staters believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale.
38% of Red staters believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale.
62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing gun laws or the death penalty.
44% say evolution is only a theory.
53% say Saddam was involved in 9/11.
And 61% believe their moral codes are impeccably righteous. (They would also dismantle Obamacare, thus restoring an annual death toll of 45,000 American who currently die for lack of health insurance. This is about the same number of GI's who died in the entire Vietnam War -- http://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2009/09/new-study-finds-45000-deaths-annually-linked-to-lack-of-health-coverage/)
One last thing...
We're taking the good weed.
One last thing...
We're taking the good weed.
You can have the crap they grow in Mexico.
Sincerely,
Citizens of the Enlightened States of America
Sincerely,
Citizens of the Enlightened States of America
The mother of the child above.
Redneck Map
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More Views Of Uneducated Whites
Enlightened states of America. More like the states with their heads up their asses thinking their shit smells better than everyone elses. I could find pictures of some trashy people in the North too. There's a reason why people call Boston to Baltimore the armpit of America.
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