"Mike Pence In His Own Words"
Indianapolis Star
"Indiana, A Great Place To Be A Bigot!" Excellent Video Spoof
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Indiana's "Religious Bigotry Law": The Re-Legaliztion Of Segregation
Pence Really Thought He'd Be President By Now
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Commenting on Donald Trump’s first hundred days in office, Vice-President Mike Pence told Fox News on Sunday, “To tell you the truth, I really thought I’d be President by now.”
“When I agreed to run on the ticket with him, I said to myself, ‘Mike, after he’s been in the White House for a few weeks, he’ll be a total train wreck and you’ll be able to slide into the big-boy chair,’ ” Pence said. “I never in a million years thought he’d last a hundred days. My best guess was thirty.”
The former Indiana governor said that, with such seemingly fatal missteps as Trump’s failed health-care plan and travel bans, as well as any number of unhinged outbursts, “It feels like I’ve come close to getting in there maybe ten or twelve times. But close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.”
Calling the past hundred days “the longest hundred days of my life,” Pence said that he has no choice now but to “sit and wait for my moment.”
“I’m a man of faith, and I believe that the Lord has a plan for me,” he said. “But if another hundred days come and go and I’m still not President, you are going to see one pissed-off Mike Pence.”
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