Thursday, March 2, 2017

The Borowitz Report: "Putin Demands Sessions Resign From Russian Government"

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U.S. Attorney General Jeff Sessions Who, Under Oath, Declared He Had Not Met With Any Russian Official, When - In Fact - He Met With Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak twice.

Putin Demands Sessions Resign From Russian Government

MOSCOW (The Borowitz Report)—In a stunning rebuke of the Attorney General, Russian President Vladimir Putin has demanded that Jeff Sessions resign from the Russian government “at once.”

Speaking at the Kremlin, Putin said that the controversies swirling around Sessions in Washington “no longer make it possible for Jeff Sessions to function as an integral part of the Kremlin team.”

Putin asserted that Sessions had “become a distraction,” and ordered the Alabama native to clear out his desk at the Kremlin “by Friday morning at the latest.”

While Kremlin sources said that forcing Sessions’s resignation was “a necessary measure,” they would not guarantee that he was the only member of the Trump Cabinet who would be expelled from the Russian government.

“We’ve put a dozen of them on notice,” one Kremlin source said.

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