Last night, Jon Stewart looked at an incredible Senate hearing where the Republicans there were still denying man-made global warming in a variety of ways even against former REPUBLICAN EPA administrators.
Now I don't know what to say. Republican lawmakers... I don't know what to do now. Republican lawmakers won't listen to Al Gore, they won't listen to Neil deGrasse Tyson, they won't listen to Bill Nye the Science Guy. Now they won't even listen to members of their own party.
There is really only one solution to get Republicans to do something about climate change. Barack Obama must become a global warming denier. He must ride up to Congress in a Hummer with a gun rack and tell them, "I was wrong and you were right!"We'd have cap and trade by the morning.
Now people are always complaining that the Republican Party ignores so-called climate change science. But there's a reason why they refuse to listen to alarmists.
REP. DANA ROHRABACHER, R-CA (8/8/2013): Global warming is a total fraud.A hoax! It's like War of the Worlds, if there had been overwhelming evidence that the aliens had landed in Grover's Mill, New Jersey.
SEN. JOHN BARRASSO, R-WY (3/10/2014): A dog and pony show for their liberal donors.REP. STEVE SCALISE, R-LA (3/25/2014): The President continues pursuing this global warming agenda.SEN. JAMES INHOFE, R-OK (5/12/2014): It's really a hoax.
So, the Republicans aren't going to fall for liberal lies anymore, which is why yesterday, they finally got to hear the facts from some of their own.CBS46 (6/18/2014): The EPA administrators from four Republican Presidents have urged lawmakers to take action on climate change today. ... The former EPA administrators once worked for Richard Nixon, George H.W. Bush and his son, and Ronald Reagan.
(audience laughter)Nixon, double Bush, the great Reagan himself, blessed by thy name! (audience laughter)You know that the people who worked for those titans of history are going to give us the straight dope. Listen up, treehuggers!6/18/2014:Traitors, traitors!! Bring me my smelling turds!! (audience laughter)
WILLIAM RUCKELHAUS, FORMER NIXON EPA ADMINISTRATOR: We believe there is legitimate scientific debate over the pace and effects of climate change, but nolegitimate debate over the fact of the Earth's warming, or man's contribution.CHRISTINE TODD WHITMAN, FORMER BUSH EPA ADMINISTRATOR: The issue's been settled. The EPA does have the authority. The law says so, the Supreme Court has said so twice. That matter, I believe, should now be put to rest.
Climate change warnings and EPA empowerment coming from actual Republicans. That's like being told pizza causes cancer by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, who love pizza. It's going to be pretty hard for the GOP Senators to argue with this.SEN. JOHN BOOZMAN, R-AR (6/18/2014): Now I'm not a scientist, but I'm an optometrist. And I spent much of my life working with the scientific community. I was a zoology major.(shocked audience laughter)
"So if this hearing is about a zebra with a stigmatism, I'm your guy."(audience laughter and applause)Well, as a man with a scientific background there, you recognize that the scientific consensus here discredits the people who deny climate change.SEN. JOHN BOOZMAN, R-AR (6/18/2014): And I've said before that there's nothing scientific about discrediting people who present conflicting evidence and ask reasonable questions.All right, well, let's compare the evidence, and we'll present it in a way that makes sense to someone with your background. OK, here we go. Which of these coastlines looks better to you? Is it A?
Or B?(audience laughter)You really can't see the difference? OK, I'm afraid you may have willful blindness. (audience laughter) Once we correct the problem, maybe you'll be able to see that we have to regulate the carbon dioxide that's heating the atmosphere.SEN. JEFF SESSIONS, R-AL (6/18/2014): CO2's a different kettle of fish. It's not particulates and knocks and socks. It's plant food.(shocked audience laughter)
That is the single most charming way I have ever heard someone say something so wrong. (audience laughter)(in Southern accent) "You know, my pappy told me, if you tickle a frog and it winks, your girlfriend can't get pregnant." (audience laughter and applause) You know, this guy is... he is wrong, but he is adorable. He is wrongdorable.But what does it matter? Even if you accepted the science, you'd still find some way to denigrate climate policy, yes?SEN. JAMES INHOFE, R-OK (6/18/2014): Now we have the first round of a global warming regulations, which will nationalize the electricity market and force Americans to live out the President's green dream.President's green dream. By the way, Obama's Green Dream? Top selling strain at Colorado dispensaries now.
(audience laughter and applause)Now I don't know what to say. Republican lawmakers... I don't know what to do now. Republican lawmakers won't listen to Al Gore, they won't listen to Neil deGrasse Tyson, they won't listen to Bill Nye the Science Guy. Now they won't even listen to members of their own party.There is really only one solution to get Republicans to do something about climate change. Barack Obama must become a global warming denier. He must ride up to Congress in a Hummer with a gun rack and tell them, "I was wrong and you were right!"We'd have cap and trade by the morning. We'll be right back.
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