Remember that time we invaded Iraq to remove the threat of the world's most dangerous people using the world's most dangerous weapons, and it turned out that the threat wasn't there? Well, good news. The threat's there now! (audience laughter) In some measure, due to the destabilizing effect of our intervention. And you'll never guess what the people who hyped the original plan would like to do now.
SEN. MITCH McCONNELL, R-KY (6/17/2014): We must grapple with how to best help Iraq meet this threat.
REP. PETER KING, R-NY (6/22/2014): It is absolutely essential that we stop ISIS from gaining this foothold in Iraq.
SEN. LINDSEY GRAHAM, R-SC (6/15/2014): We need air power immediately to stop the advance.
SEN. JOHN McCAIN, R-AZ (6/18/2014): We have to act. We must act.
We must... act. Well if we do, I think you're going to need acting lessons. Look, but I do look forward to you and your friends starring in a new play called A Streetcar Named WE'RE ALWAYS WRONG!
(audience laughter and applause)
All right, listen up. Here's how we do it. By the way, Iraq isn't the only place that these guys want the play to open.
SEN. LINDSEY GRAHAM, R-SC (10/23/2011): I support putting people in Africa. That's where this war is headed.
REP. MIKE ROGERS, R-MI (5/11/2014): Chad has been screaming for help from the United States.
SEN. MARCO RUBIO, R-FL (3/30/2011): In Libya, we can have an influence.
SEN. JOHN McCAIN, R-AZ (7/7/2013): ... helping the resistance in Syria ...
SEN. RON JOHNSON, R-WI (6/13/2014): Whatever the Kurds need, we should provide them.
SEN. LINDSEY GRAHAM, R-SC (5/4/2014): ... help arm the Ukrainian people ...
There is no substitute for American military assistance! In fact, in a blinds weapons test, 9 out of 10 client states prefer weapons from the United States, to those from I Can't Believe It's Not America.
(audience laughter)
Yes, there is apparently no country Republicans will not put under the protection of the United States. Well, except one.
BRET BAIER (11/2/2011): Senate Republicans today defeated a $60 billion dollar plan for infrastructure jobs.
CHRISTINE ROMANS (5/16/2014): Senate Republicans blocking a bill that would renew expired tax breaks.
MSNBC (2/27/2014): ... blocked a $21 billion dollar veterans bill ...
CHRIS WALLACE (5/4/2014): ... blocked an increase in the minimum wage ...
STEVE KORNACKI (5/14/2014): ... blocked the Paycheck Fairness Act ...
BETTY NGUYEN (2/7/2014): ... block unemployment benefits ...
REP. ERIC CANTOR, R-VA (2/9/2010): "No" is what the American people want.
SEN. JOHN McCAIN, R-AZ (3/27/2010): We're the party of HELL NO!
(audience laughter)
Well, I just want you to know, that sounds like a terrible party. (audience laughter) I mean, will there be dancing and pizza?
SEN. JOHN McCAIN, R-AZ (3/27/2010): HELL NO!
(audience laughter and applause)
Oh, I got an idea, I got an idea! How about not making it harder for people to get food stamps?
SEN. JOHN McCAIN, R-AZ (3/27/2010): HELL NO!
OK. Do you do anything but complain bitterly anymore?
SEN. JOHN McCAIN, R-AZ (3/27/2010): HELL NO!
If you're a doodyhead, say "hell no."
SEN. JOHN McCAIN, R-AZ (3/27/2010): HELL NO!
(audience laughter and applause)
But seriously, the Republicans must have good reasons for blocking every domestic bill that comes across their desks.
SEN. JEFF SESSIONS, R-AL (3/12/2012): We cannot afford. We just don't have the money.
SEN. RON JOHNSON, R-WI (7/7/2011): America is going broke.
SEN. LINDSEY GRAHAM, R-SC (2/7/2011): The government is broke.
SEN. MARCO RUBIO, R-FL (7/21/2011): You can't keep spending more money than you have.
We're spending money willy-nilly! And did you know we're saving up to get a more patriotic American Statue of Liberty?
Ba-bam! That's what I'm talking about! (audience cheering)
You know, there's all kinds of reasons why Republicans believe domestic spending is folly.
SEN. JOHN CORNYN, R-TX (1/29/2014): Big government doesn't work.
SEN. MARCO RUBIO, R-FL (2/17/2014): Massive government spending, particularly debt spending, is not the solution.
SEN. ROB PORTMAN, R-OH (2/9/2014): Last thing we want to do is add to the debt and deficit.
SEN. RON JOHNSON, R-WI (6/6/2014): ... negative unintended consequences of our good intentions ...
SEN. MITCH McCONNELL, R-KY (12/1/2009): ... the rampant waste, fraud, and abuse ...
SEN. MARCO RUBIO, R-FL (10/11/2013): We need to make sure our government programs encourage work, not dependence.
SEN. JEFF SESSIONS, R-AL (4/1/2014): Our policy cannot be to simply relegate more and more of our citizens to dependence on the government.
By the way, does out of control government spending have the same corrupting effect on non-Americans?
GEORGE W. BUSH (9/9/2008): America's goal in Iraq was to help the Iraqi people build a democratic nation that can govern itself
SEN. ROY BLUNT, R-MO (2/17/2011): ... create a real democracy for people that want it.
GEORGE W. BUSH (9/9/2008): Help Afghans begin to build a new democracy. ... Build their economy, and provide basic services, and expand health care, as well as open up schools.
REP. LOUIE GOHMERT, R-TX (5/13/2011): And allowing for freedom to spread around the world.
So basically, when we give other countries government assistance, they handle it great. But when we get it ourselves, we fuck it all up. Why is it you don't seem to care about unintended consequences, waste, fraud, and abuse, and culture of dependency when it comes to the unlimited checkbook we have for foreign military adventures?
SEN. MITCH McCONNELL, R-KY (11/13/2007): Of course the war has been costly, but we have been protected from attack here at home.
(coughs) Bullshit!
Um, putting aside the questionable contention that the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan have kept us safe here at home, you do know terrorism isn't the only thing Americans would like to be protected from.
ALI VELSHI (6/18/2014): The American Society of Civil Engineers gives America's crumbling infrastructure a D+.
CBS NEWS (5/18/2014): The VA says at least 23 people have died waiting for care.
NEWS REPORT (1/8/2014): 50 million Americans ... living below the federal poverty line.
CHRIS JANSING (3/31/2014): Temperatures could go up by 9 degrees this century, and sea levels could rise an extra 10 to 21 inches.
DIANE SAWYER (1/30/2014): 30 Americans die from gun violence in this country every single day.
None of it's terrorism, right? Cuz then we'd have to do something about it.
If there was one man who embodied the ethos of the Republican Party in this regard, I'd have to say it's our old friend Senator Jeff Sessions of Alabama. Never met a war appropriations bill he didn't like. Happy to spend the money overseas.
SEN. JEFF SESSIONS, R-AL (3/17/2003): We made a commitment to our troops. ... And they're prepared to put their lives at stake for us. And I don't think there ought to be the slightest suggestion in any way that we're not going to honor that commitment.
Who do I make the check out to, sir? That's a lot of money. And of course, he's not too worried about how it's going to work out.
CHRIS MATTHEWS: So you have faith that the cost of this war in casualties, and the cost of like half a trillion dollars ... the risks in terms of getting people in the world not liking what we're doing, which is fairly obvious, is all worth it. ... Because if we do fail, things fail, and we come home, or we come home and after we come home it fails over there, they go back to some military coup ... isn't that a danger we can't change the course of a country if we're only going to be there a limited amount of time?
SEN. JEFF SESSIONS, R-AL: Well, I don't believe that's going to happen.
D'oh! He doesn't believe it!! What?! Unlimited money to go over there. I don't think anything bad's going to happen. Well, how about spending some money on cleaning up the mess you made here at home for the veterans?
SEN. JEFF SESSIONS, R-AL (6/11/2014): We need to resist the temptation to create more entitlements and more entitlements, which is one of the reasons that we're heading recklessly to a fiscal crisis. ... But I don't think we should create a blank check, an unlimited entitlement program, now.
(coughs) Go fuck yourself.  (wild audience cheering and applause)
You know what, I'm worried. I'm really worried about the Republicans. Their inability to wean themselves off of military intervention. They have a culture of defendency, if you will. And I believe it's turned them all into warfare queens. (audience laughter)  And I think we need to cut them off for their own good.  (audience cheering and applause)  We'll be right back.