WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—An able-bodied senior citizen who refuses to do anything but watch television receives three free government meals every day, according to reports.
The senior, who has three piping-hot meals wheeled up to him each day, reportedly has no intention of working and prefers to fill his hours watching cable news.
Even more outrageous, the recipient of the meals spends most weekends in Florida, where the flow of free government food continues without interruption.
Harland Dorrinson, the executive director of the Center for Benefit Reduction, a think tank that focuses on reducing federal benefits, called the individual’s consumption of free government meals “the worst abuse of the system I’ve ever seen.”
“I might be accused of being heartless for saying this, but this person should be thrown out on the street,” he said.
But, according to a source familiar with the senior, those calling for him to work for his meals are, at best, ill-informed. “You can’t expect someone to do a job when he’s completely unqualified,” the source said.