Alabama Loses Yet Another Fight to Remain In Eighteenth Century

Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore.CREDITPHOTOGRAPH BY DAVE MARTIN/AP

MONTGOMERY, Ala. (The Borowitz Report)—On Monday, the state of Alabama lost yet another fight to remain in the eighteenth century, extending a losing streak that dates back to the nineteenth century.

Alabama, whose first attempt to remain in the eighteenth century took place between 1861 and 1865, has never shown signs of giving up the fight, even after being dealt a string of stunning defeats in the nineteen-fifties and nineteen-sixties.

According to historians, Monday’s loss brings the number of failed attempts by Alabama to more than four thousand.

But even with this latest defeat, some of the state’s residents, such as Chief Justice Roy Moore, of the Alabama Supreme Court, remained resolute in their fight to return to a time before electricity and indoor plumbing.

“The United States Supreme Court has decided that it is the twenty-first century,” Moore said on Monday. “I say, ‘Not in Alabama, it isn’t.’ ”