John Glenn...
As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.
As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.
Desmond Tutu...
When the white missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said 'Let us pray.' We closed our eyes. When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land.
When the white missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said 'Let us pray.' We closed our eyes. When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land.
David Letterman...
America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.
America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.
Howard Hughes...
I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. I'm a billionaire.
I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. I'm a billionaire.
Old Italian proverb...
After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.
After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.
Betsy Salkind...
Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years.
Jean Kerr...
The only reason they say 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats.
Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years.
Jean Kerr...
The only reason they say 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats.
Zsa Zsa Gabor...
I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage.
I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage.
Jeff Foxworthy...
You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.
You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.
Prince Philip...
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
Emo Philips...
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
Emo Philips and The Essence Of Religious Fanaticism - Christian and Islamic: http://paxonbothhouses.blogspot.com/2014/07/the-essence-of-religious-fanaticism.html
Robin Hall...
Lawyers believe a person is innocent until proven broke.
Lawyers believe a person is innocent until proven broke.
Jean Rostand...
Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror
Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror
Arnold Schwarzenegger...
Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million. ~
Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million. ~
WH Auden...
We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.
We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.
Jonathan Katz...
In hotel rooms I worry. I can't be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked
In hotel rooms I worry. I can't be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked
Johnny Carson...
If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.
If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.
Warren Tantum...
(School photo album).
I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very skeptical
(School photo album).
I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very skeptical
Steve Martin...
Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap
Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap
Jimmy Durante...
Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. .
Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. .
Doug Hanwell...
America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric.
America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric.
George Roberts...
The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone ~
Jonathan Winters...
If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport.
The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone ~
Jonathan Winters...
If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport.
Robert Benchley...
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
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