You Know You're a Muslim if...

                                                                                              Right Wing Civility

http://docdlp.wordpress.com/2010/06/10/state-senator-jake-knotts-keeping-south-carolina-classy/

                                                      http://jesusquotesconservatives.wordpress.com/2010/08/19/ragheads/

Although the following Muslim quips did not originate with Jeff Foxworthy, they invite exploration of the unsettling truth that human beings can skew factual data to project disproportionate evil onto anyone.  http://www.snopes.com/politics/humor/foxworthy.asp 

Aquinas rightly observed that "sin" is always accompanied by loss of proportion/perspective.

For the sake of counterpoint, I have interspersed "Foxworthy's" Muslim comments with my own All-American comments which, on balance, are more accurate than "Foxworthy's":

***

Jeff Foxworthy on Muslims. 

This is straight forward country thinking...

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.

    You may be a Muslim

1. If you consume more drugs per capita than any nation on earth but wage "War on Drugs" with Puritanical Righteousness, you may be All American. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_on_Drugs

    If you rail against illegal drug use but genuflect before Rush's pulpit, you may be All American.   

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/crime/warrants-detail-rush-limbaughs-drug-use)

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

    You may be a Muslim

2. If you sell more weapons to more people on earth than any other nation -- including your existential enemy, Iran -- you may be All American. (You are certainly Ronald Reagan.) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arms_industry  ///  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iran_contra

  

3. You have more wives than teeth.

    You may be a Muslim

3. If your nation has more porn stars than the number of cells in your body, you may be All American.        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pornography_in_the_United_States

  

4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon unclean.

    You may be a Muslim

4. If you complain about lack of hygiene in Occupy Wall Street encampments but champion a political party that is home to paramilitary hate groups, you may be All American. http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2011/11/20/my-life-as-white-supremacist.html

  

5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

    You may be a Muslim

5. If you think everyone has legal right to carry firearms in church, you may be All American.  http://www.usatoday.com/news/religion/2011-02-15-church_guns15_ST_N.htm

  

6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.

    You may be a Muslim

6. If you can't think of a war you didn't like, you may be All-American.          http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_United_States_military_operations

    

    If your nation is the only one on earth to have dropped The Big One -- and not just once, but twice; and both times targetting civilian populations -- and, furthermore, you are certain this strategy was blessed by God Himself, you may be All American.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Just_war

    If you think the horror of 3000 dead on 9/11 is in the same scale with 2-3 million dead in Vietnam, you may be an All American. 

http://necrometrics.com/20c1m.htm#Vietnam

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Civilian_casualty_ratio

  

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

    You may be a Muslim

7. If you don't think television is dangerous, you may be All-American. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amusing_Ourselves_to_Death

  

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

    You may be a Muslim

8. If you are amazed to discover that the weapons used by jihadists were "Made in the U.S.A." -- and sold by profiteering Cowboy Capitalist traitors -- you may be All-American. 

http://www.isracast.com/article.aspx?ID=1330&t=Massive-US-Arms-Sales-to-Gulf-States    

http://www.warisbusiness.com/2720/research/us-arms-exports-to-the-muslim-world/

  

9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.

    You may be a Muslim

9. If you think corporations are people and that they should own everyone, you may be All American. 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Citizens_United_v._Federal_Election_Commission    

http://www.alternet.org/news/153645/'citizens_united'_unleashed_a_monster%3A_why_the_real_winner_in_the_iowa_caucuses_is_the_big-money_super_pac/

10. You find this offensive or racist and don't forward it.

       You may be a Muslim

10. If you find this offensive or racist and don't forward it, you may be All American.

Bonus: If you think America is #1 in anything but the percentage of citizens behind bars, you may be All American. 

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/23/world/americas/23iht-23prison.12253738.html?pagewanted=all

***

I routinely "forward" right-wing emails. 


Curiously, I have no evidence that right-wing friends forward the emails they receive from me. Ever.

Except for the middle school passion to "win" "The Big Game" -- even if "winning" requires misrepresentation, manipulation or mendacious mangling of Truth - why are American right wingers no more trustworthy than Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck? http://www.indyweek.com/indyweek/glenn-beck/Content?oid=1230641

Failure to share good information is consummate cowardice.

Many All American right wingers disdain modern psychology, not because its findings are wrong but because those findings condemn them and they haven't the integrity to be true.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shadow_(psychology)  

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_projection