Ever notice? Obama had no girlfriends.

Mystery Solved

The parody at the bottom of this post was written in response to a right-wing email forwarded by "conservative" friend, George. Its contents are pathognomonic of The National Lunacy, begun on 9/11. 


America's right-wing is at home with Falsehood - and existentially threatened by Truth. 


As a nation we once knew that "a little knowledge is a dangerous thing."


What then should we make of aggressive ignorance?


And lots of it!


First George's email. Then my parody reply.

From: George

Sent: Wednesday, January 18, 2012 9:51 AM

To: Alan Archibald 

Subject: Fw: Mystery -- Gotta read this one

The mystery continues.  Will we ever know the TRUTH????????????? WHERE ARE THE GIRLFRIENDS? I hadn't thought about this - but where are Obama's past girlfriends - surely he had at least one? No past girl friends popping up anywhere? Strange - strange to the point of being downright weird! OK, this is just plain old common sense, no political agendas for either side. Just common knowledge for citizens of a country, especially American citizens, who know every little tidbit about every other president (and their wives) that even know that Andrew  Jackson's wife smoked a corn cob pipe and was accused of adultery, or that Lincoln never went to school or Kennedy wore a back brace or Truman played the piano. We are Americans! Our Media vets these things out! We are known for our humanitarian interests and caring for our 'fellow man.' We care, but none of us know one single humanizing fact about the history of our own president. Honestly, and this is a personal thing ... But it's bugged me for years that no one who ever dated him ever showed up. Taken his charisma, which caused the women to be drawn to him so obviously during his campaign, looks like some lady would not have missed the opportunity.... We all know about JFK's magnetism, McCain was no monk, Palin's courtship and even her athletic prowess were probed. Biden's aneurisms are no secret. Look at Cheney and Clinton-we all know about their heart problems. How could I have left out Wild Bill before or during the White House? Nope... Not one lady has stepped up and said, "He was soooo shy," or "What a great dancer!" Now look at the rest of what we know... No classmates, not even the recorder for the Columbia class notes ever heard of him. Who was the best man at his wedding? Start there. Check for groomsmen. Then get the footage of the graduation ceremony. Has anyone talked to the professors? Isn't it odd that no one is bragging that they knew him or taught him or lived with him. When did he meet Michele and how? Are there photos? Every president provides the public with all their photos, etc. For their library. What has he released? Nada - other than what was in this so-called biography! And experts who study writing styles, etc. Claim it was not Obama's own words or typical of his speech patterns, etc. Does this make any of you wonder? Ever wonder why no one ever came forward from Obama's past, saying they knew him, attended school with him, was his friend, etc. ? Not one person has ever come forward from his past. This should really be a cause for great concern. Did you see the movie titled, The Manchurian Candidate? Let's face it. As insignificant as we all are... Someone whom we went to school with remembers our name or face...someone remembers we were the clown or the dork or the brain or the quiet one or the bully or something about us. George Stephanopoulos, ABC News said the same thing during the 2008 campaign. Even George questions why no one has acknowledged that the president was in their classroom or ate in the same cafeteria or made impromptu speeches on campus. Stephanopoulos was a classmate of Obama at Columbia-class of 1984.He says he never had a single class with him. Since he is such a great orator, why doesn't anyone in Obama's college class remember him? And, why won't he allow Columbia to release his records? Do you like millions of others, simply assume all this is explainable - even though no one can? NOBODY REMEMBERS OBAMA AT COLUMBIA Looking for evidence of Obama's past, Fox News contacted 400 Columbia University students from the period when Obama claims to have been there, but not one remembers him. For example,Wayne Allyn Root was (like Obama) a political science major at Columbia , who graduated in 1983. In 2008, Root says of Obama, "I don't know a single person at Columbia that knew him, and they all know me. I don't have a single classmate who ever knew Barack Obama at Columbia ... EVER! Nobody recalls him. Root adds that he was, "Class of '83 political science, pre-law" and  says, "You don't get more exact or closer than that. Never met him in my life, don't know anyone who ever met him." At our 20th class reunion five years ago, who was asked to be the speaker of the class? Me. No one ever heard of Barack! And five years ago, nobody even knew who he was. The guy who writes the class notes, who's kind of the, as we say in New York, 'the macha' who knows everybody, has yet to find a person, a human who ever met him." Obama's photograph does not appear in the school's yearbook, and Obama consistently declines requests to talk about his years at Columbia , provide school records, or provide the name of any former classmates or friends while at Columbia . How can this be? NOTE: Wayne Allyn Root can easily be verified. He graduated valedictorian from his high school, Thornton-Donovan School , then graduated from Columbia University in 1983 as a Political Science major in the same '83 class in which Barack Hussein Obama states he was. Some other interesting questions. Why was Obama's law license inactivated in 2002? Why was Michelle's law license inactivated by court order? According to the U.S. Census, there is only one Barack Obama - but 27 Social Security numbers and over 80 aliases. WHAT!? The Social Security number he uses now originated in Connecticut where he is never reported to have lived. No wonder all his records are sealed! Please continue sending this out to everyone. Somewhere, someone had to know him in school...before he "reorganized" Chicago and burst upon the scene at the 2004 Democratic Convention and made us swoon with his charm, poise, and speaking pizzazz. One of the biggest CONS this country has ever seen, and getting away with it. Go watch the movie The Manchurian Candidate, with Lawrence Harvey! Good movie!

Dear George,

Thanks for your email.

There is no record of Obama’s girlfriends ... because ... he killed them all.

Well...

Not single-handedly.

Michelle helped.

In recent years, both daughters have participated – one using a pickax, the other a chainsaw -- to dismember the bodies as hamburger for the White House cafeteria.

It is at least ironic – and probably conspiratorial – that most of Obama’s murdered paramours were previously harassed by Herman Cain who contributed to the snuff fund.

Did you nver wonder why he called it “Godfather’s Pizza?”

Seriously.

Think about it for a minute.

Godfather?

I rest my case...

As for “the mystery” surrounding Barry Soetero’s time at Columbia... http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/columbia.asp /// http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barack_Obama_citizenship_conspiracy_theories

The Enduring Question is this: Why do American conservatives feel compelled to tell lies, when – as Christianity has long taught -- the essential nature of Satan is Falsification (specifically, making lies appear to be true).

If it turns out Obama did not murder his girlfriends, it was probably because he was too busy “ having a life” to be distracted by The Great Pussy Hunt.

By the way...

Did you ever notice that the Pope – and The Entire College of Cardinals – have no history of girlfriends either?

Now why is that?

Did Obama kill those women too?

Or, did the Knights of Malta do it?

Or, was it Mr. Mustard, in the billiard room, with a wrench? The possibilities are endless! Sprawling all the way to Kingdom Come!

Ah!

But now!

Check out the plausibility of this!

The Pope and the cardinals lured their ex-girlfriends into the confessional where they choked them with their rigid, massive _____.

Which reminds me...

I suppose you’re one of those naifs who thinks Mother Teresa died a natural death!

Think again, my friend...

MT was bludgeoned to death by The Big Bamboo!

In answer to your email’s question: “Will we ever know the Truth?”

Nope.

At least not as long as conservative pundits make shit up.

Which is what they do. 


24/7.


Year in, year out.

Now here’s a really inconvenient truth...

Most conservatives reject Truth – shun Truth – disdain Truth -- because if “The Real” ever came to light, it would freak them out -- completely, irrevocably.

Here’s Ron Paul telling a Truth that freaks out most conservatives - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yjl1DjGt3w /// http://www.opensecrets.org/news/2012/01/military-donors-still-prefer-paul.html

Really George...

What could be more absurd -- more preposterous, more risibly ridiculous -- than believing American veterans?

What the hell do they know about war?

Trust me. 


In a toss-up between believing "the troops" and the Vulture Capitalist, far better to absorb the wisdom of Romney, the guy who gets more lobbyist money than all Republican candidates combined - http://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/lobbyist-donors/2011/10/27/gIQAEuFNNM_graphic.html

As for Barry Soetero’s Social Security Number being “stripped” from a dead man – and/or its “mysterious” issuance by the State of Connecticut – take a look at http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/birthers/ssn.asp

Just for fun George...

Why don’t you forward this email to all the embedded mailing lists in the email you forwarded to me, also attaching the Subject Line “No mystery here. Gotta read this one.”

Go ahead!

Take the plunge.

Do it for The Gipper!

Pax on both houses

Alan

PS The Manchurian Candidate always impressed me as a mediocre movie – based on a school of discredited psychology that was briefly popular after WWII.

The opposition's firm grip.

http://karws.gso.uri.edu/jfk/conspiracy_theory/the_paranoid_mentality/the_paranoid_style.html