Friday, June 24, 2016

The Borowitz Report: "British Lose Right To Claim That Americans Are Dumber"

The New Yorker

Alan: In 1976 and 1977 I lived in Liverpool (studying at The Liverpool School of Tropical Medicine) and during my sojourn became enamored Brits and British culture, particularly in their Liverpudlian manifestations.

Simultaneously I realized that Britain is a class-driven society par excellence, so much so that a working class friend -- and a gifted painter -- confessed his guilty decision to take a job as an adjunct professor since it signified his rupture with the class in which he was born and where all his political sentiments lay.

Britain's class structure is evident in the shoddiness of its daily press, long given to frequent displays of large-breasted, short-skirted women and whose political analysis makes Fox News look like a research wing of Harvard. 

I am not surprised that Britain's intellectual veneer was swamped by the rising tide of uninformed nationalist sentiment.


LONDON (The Borowitz Report)—Across the United Kingdom on Friday, Britons mourned their long-cherished right to claim that Americans were significantly dumber than they are.
Luxuriating in the superiority of their intellect over Americans’ has long been a favorite pastime in Britain, surpassing in popularity such games as cricket, darts, and snooker.
But, according to Alistair Dorrinson, a pub owner in North London, British voters have done irreparable damage to the “most enjoyable sport this nation has ever known: namely, treating Americans like idiots.”
“When our countrymen cast their votes yesterday, they didn’t realize they were destroying the most precious leisure activity this nation has ever known,” he said. “Wankers.”
In the face of this startling display of national idiocy, Dorrinson still mustered some of the resilience for which the British people are known. “This is a dark day,” he said. “But I hold out hope that, come November, Americans could become dumber than us once more.”

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