SUNDAY, APR 24, 2016
The Buddhist I am not: Reflecting on my conversation with the Dalai Lama about the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal
“You Americans, he said," Always concerned over such minor matters." He was right
Eighteen years ago, I interviewed the Dalai Lama on the very morning that every news outlet on the planet ran the story of the Clinton/Lewinsky affair. It made headlines from the New York Times to the Hindustan Times, where I was camped out in Dharamsala, India at what felt like an upscale hotel to me at the time, hovering as I was between the backpacker I’d been in my 20s and the 30-year-old who had recently taken a liking to private hot showers.
The night before my interview I did not yet know about Clinton and Lewinsky – nor, presumably, did His Holiness. I had been on a journey of all things Tibetan for two months, going from the refugee center outside of Kathmandu where newly arrived refugees stay until they are healthy enough to move to Dharamsala (many suffer frostbite so severe during their month-long walk that they lose limbs or skin. Many, in fact, lose their lives). From Kathmandu we flew to Lhasa. One afternoon, we saw a Tibetan man beaten on his calves with a white stick by a police officer, as several other officers watched. When they spied us gaping, they dragged him out of sight around a corner.
We’d planned to drive from Lhasa back to Nepal – a five-day journey on a single road by four wheel drive at the time – but three days into the drive we learned heavy rains had washed out huge chunks of the road when we nearly drove directly into a mountain of mud with chunks of road the size of boulders. We sat there for several hours as if some well-stocked construction crew might happen by out there in the middle of the stark, uninhabited mountains of western Tibet. Finally, our driver put the car in reverse and went backwards down the curvy mountain road for a good twenty or thirty minutes while we white-knuckled the dashboard and held our breath; after a while he was able to turn the car around properly and head back toward Lhasa, where we managed to fly back to Kathmandu, and then on to Dharamsala. By the time we arrived– weeks behind schedule – the Dalai Lama had just returned from a Portugal trip, which was a stroke of pure dumb luck on our part.
So I wrote him a note. Like a high school kid. A harried scribble on notebook paper in green pen, asking for an interview. This detail stays with me because of its informality, its utter lack of pretension, yes, but also its blatant amateurism. I was a freelancer and had done very few notable stories yet. This trip would mark a turning point in my career, not only because a call at my hotel later that afternoon granted me the interview, but also because I managed to report on my most difficult story to date: the forced sterilizations of Tibetan women.
The day of the interview, I woke early. The cleanest clothes I had in my olive green backpack included a black and white fish sarong, trekker sandals, and an orange “Life is Good” t-shirt. Slid under the hotel door was that day’s Hindustan Times, where a bold headline declared “Clinton Admits to Improper Relationship.” My heart dropped.Please don’t let the Dalai Lama read this headline, I prayed. (I feared he’d cancel the interview for some reason, put all Americans in some sort of immoral zone of no conduct). We arrived an hour early to go through security, which involved two sets of metal detectors, a bag check, and a pat down behind a curtained off corner of the room, where a Tibetan woman asked us a series of security questions. Where had we traveled and why, where had we stayed and for how long? Already, the afternoon before, I’d been summoned to the monastery where I had to submit my questions in advance to his secretaries, who then said to limit myself to two questions given their boss’s penchant for verbosity (his answers were “very thorough” is how it was put to me. Ever the vigilant journalist, I came prepared with three).
By the time I was led to the where the Dalai Lama stood flanked by his two secretaries, my body shook from nerves. What had I gotten myself into? I wasn’t Connie Chung, arriving with her gear, her entourage. I was a nobody, walking up in trekkers beside a photographer, who also happened to be my best friend, Ann — equally underdressed for the occasion in hiking pants, a gray t-shirt, and boots. My prepared questions covered Pakistan and India’s nuclear testing, and President Clinton’s visit to Beijing, both of which had happened earlier that summer. And both things, if I’m honest, I couldn’t have cared less about (except in a purely existential sense – as in, please let’s not nuke each other). What I really wondered – what Ann and I had stayed up late discussing, and what I later wrote about for Salon – was whether the Dalai Lama was a great man because he embodied greatness organically, or whether he was a great man because so many people elevated him to this.
Much of what surprised me about Dalai Lama I’ve long since written. How he was taller than I expected – maybe 5’9. How he was gruff initially, and yanked me by the hand so hard into the interviewing room that there were indentations from my own knuckles. How I’d mumbled through my first question about nuclear testing, and he’d given some rehearsed this or that answer which totally escapes me today. And how, by the time I got to my second question, ten minutes in, I was shaking so visibly I could hear my paper rattling, and my voice tremor. “Clinton,” I began, “I have to ask you…”
“Oh,” he leaned forward suddenly, gave me a half nod, and whispered, “you mean L-E-W-I-N-S-K-Y?”
It stopped me cold. By that time of the morning, I’d forgotten entirely about the foibles of my president. The Dalai Lama brought me back so abruptly that I yelped – unfortunately, I know this because I have it on tape. A clear unequivocal yelp. The irony was immediate: I’m interviewing the world’s most famously celibate man while discussing the world’s most famously unfaithful. The cigar. The blue dress. It all came to me in a rush, and I immediately diverted the question of Clinton’s visit to China entirely. “Now that you mention it,” I began, and we began to howl with laughter. We laughed even harder when I offered up a lame apology “on behalf of my president and of the American people.” Really. I said this. My president and the American people.As if I was some sort of moral ambassador.
The Clinton/Lewinsky affair feels almost quaint, now, given today’s political vitriol. In an age of terrorism, of ISIS, of toxic divisiveness, of severe economic disparity, of failing unions and wars on women, of police shootings of young Black men, of Boko Haram and floods of refugees, what in the hell does anyone care about a blow job?
The Lewinsky/Clinton affair broke the ice with the Dalai Lama. Suddenly, we were laughing, talking like old pals. I wrote about how he thought Americans were both smart and spoiled, about how he’d looked at me, after a time, and asked me about Tibet and how it was only then, nearly an hour into our talk, that I realized why I’d been granted this interview at all. I was one of the few journalists who met him having just days earlier come from the place he yearned to return. I hadn’t been given an interview with the Dalai Lama; the Dalai Lama had wanted an interview with me.
I told him what I’d seen. That the monks carry thumb-sized pictures of him tucked in their robes. That the Chinese military do maneuvers at dawn outside his old winter palace, the Potala. That the mountains still look like giant cloth napkins, draped from the sky. That the lakes and rivers glittered like sequins in a way I’d never seen. How yak butter tea was the most vile thing I’d ever tasted. he gave me a coin when we finished, from a trunk of Tibetan money he’d escaped with in 1959 and which hadn’t been in circulation since. Much of this I’ve told and retold, written and rewritten.
He asked me about my religion, and I told him my mother had been Jewish, but died when I was eight, and my father had been an Evangelical Christian who raised us in a house so severe, so rigid in its rules and its admonitions – no secular music, no secular television, no secular books, church three times a week, private Christian school – that it had turned me off to any kind of formal religion, a fact which still holds true today. I cannot enter a church without physically recoiling, without feeling it as a clench in my abdomen, a shortening of my breath. I spent a month in Italy with Ann some years ago, and she wanted to visit the soaring cathedrals, to take a meditative moment in their quiet afternoon sanctuaries. To San Ciriaco in Ancona, San Lorenzo and San Pietro in Perugia, to tiny San Settimio in Jesi. And I tried. I tried to separate exploration from upbringing, experience from association. Tried to find the peace inside them, to remember how they were – along with everything else – a symbol of human ingenuity and imagination. But I could not, and I’d go and wait for her on the sidewalks outside.
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