NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) — Millions of Americans are expressing their resentment and outrage at being put in the appalling position of siding with the Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly, a state of affairs that many are calling “intolerable.”
“Never in a million years did I envision a situation where I would be on the same side as Megyn Kelly,” Tracy Klugian, of Butte, Montana, said. “Now that I find myself in just such a situation, let me say this: it’s horrible. Truly horrible.”
“Putting people through the ordeal of siding with Megyn Kelly could be the worst thing Donald Trump has done in this campaign,” Jervis Kentwell, of Norwalk, Connecticut, said. “I know he thinks he’s invulnerable or whatever, but it’s hard to see him recovering from this.”
Harland Dorrinson, a psychologist from Akron, Ohio, has created an online community for people who are suffering from the emotional trauma of momentarily siding with Megyn Kelly.
“People who have despised Megyn Kelly for years are experiencing a sudden loss of identity and a feeling of emptiness,” he said. “They’re complaining of persistent headaches and nausea. There is a lot of hurt out there.”
Carol Foyler, of Tacoma, Washington, worries about the “long-term implications” of being forced to side with Megyn Kelly. “Is there some scenario where I might be forced to side with Bill O’Reilly, or Hannity?” she asked. “It’s a goddam slippery slope.”