RALEIGH - The Borowitz Report - In a historic ceremony at the state capitol, on Friday, North Carolina Governor Pat McCrory swore in a thousand officers charged with enforcing the state’s new public-bathroom regulations.
Speaking to the newly graduated bathroom-enforcement cadets, McCrory impressed upon them the gravity of their responsibility. “You are the thin blue line charged with protecting the gender sanctity of North Carolina’s bathrooms,” he said. “Be careful out there.”
McCrory told reporters that the thousand officers are only “the first wave” of a bathroom-patrol force that will eventually swell to over fifty thousand. “This is job creation at its finest,” he said.
In addition to “making North Carolina proud of its bathrooms again,” McCrory said, the state’s new law should boost tourism, as visitors from around the world clamor to watch North Carolina’s unique bathroom-enforcement program in action.
“Ever since we passed this law, my phone has been ringing off the hook,” the governor said. “People can’t believe what we’re doing in North Carolina.”
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