The best is enemy of the good.
The profoundest truths are paradoxical.
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
The Borowitz Report: Obama Will Move To Downtown D.C. Building With Doorman
Alan: For all the grousing about White House security, how many conservatives would secretly cheer if Obama were assassinated?
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—President Barack Obama has decided to move his family into a full-service doorman building in Washington, D.C., saying that “it just makes more sense right now.”
“It really will work better for us,” Obama said in a press conference Tuesday morning. “In addition to the doorman, there’s a guy at the front desk, and, if anyone comes to see you, the desk guy will call up to your apartment first to make sure it’s O.K.”
The senior doorman at the Obamas’ new building, Alex Kornash, seemed unfazed about providing security for the President. “I’ve been a doorman for twenty-three years,” Kornash said. “Someone doesn’t belong here, you tell them to go away. What’s so hard about that?”
The 2,140-square-foot, three-bedroom condominium that the Obamas will call home includes many amenities, including central air-conditioning, a washer/dryer and all new stainless-steel appliances, according to its real-estate listing.
In addition, when the President makes one of his frequent trips, “there’s someone to take in the mail and water the plants,” he said.
Since the President’s announcement of his move, there has already been considerable interest in the White House, mainly from foreign buyers, sources said.