Republicans Expose Obama’s College Plan as Plot to Make People Smarter

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—President Obama’s plan to offer Americans two years of college for free has come under fire from congressional Republicans, who are calling it a blatant plot to make Americans smarter.

The G.O.P., which has benefited from the support of so-called “low-information voters” in recent years, accused Obama of cynically trying to make people smarter as a way of chipping away at the Republican base.

“You take low-information voters and give them information, and pretty soon they’re Democrats,” Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) said.

House Speaker John Boehner said that “forcing knowledge into people” was “flagrantly un-American,” adding, “We make this promise to the American people: if you like your brains, you can keep your brains.”