Trump Knocked Out In Round 1 Of White House I.Q.-Test Tournament After Losing To Betsy DeVos
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In an I.Q.-test tournament devised by Donald Trump to determine the smartest person in his Administration, Trump suffered a humiliating defeat on Tuesday, getting knocked out in the first round by Education Secretary Betsy DeVos.
Trump had personally created the brackets for the tournament, which he had hoped would lead to an I.Q.-championship showdown between him and Secretary of State Rex Tillerson.
“He was determined to face Betsy in the first round,” a White House source said of Trump. “He thought it would be like a bye week.”
Trump was stung by DeVos’s upset win, however, and lashed out at the I.Q. test itself, calling it both “fake” and “rigged,” according to the source.
“It had been a while since he had taken an I.Q. test,” the source said. “He had forgotten there was a spelling section.”
Elsewhere in the I.Q. tournament, other members of the Trump family were knocked out in the first round as well, with Ivanka Trump falling to Vice-President Mike Pence; Donald Trump, Jr., losing to Trump’s press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders; and Jared Kushner reportedly suffering a lopsided defeat at the hands of Secretary of Energy Rick Perry.
Trump’s son Eric did not participate in the tournament. “That would have been cruel,” the source said.
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