Controversy Over Confederate Statues Inspires Betsy DeVos To Google Civil War
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The raging controversy over Confederate statues has impelled Betsy DeVos to Google the Civil War, the Education Secretary confirmed on Thursday.
“People have been going on and on about the Civil War, and I was like, Betsy, what the heck are they talking about, exactly?” DeVos told reporters. “After a certain point, I decided I just had to Google it.”
DeVos said that she was glad that she Googled the Civil War, calling it “an extremely fascinating chapter in American history that people need to find out about.”
“Like President Trump has been saying, the Civil War had sides to it,” she said. “Although I don’t think it had many sides. I only counted two.”
DeVos said that, prior to Googling the Civil War, she believed that parents should have a choice as to whether or not their children learned history in the nation’s schools, “but now I’m starting to rethink that.”
“I guess you might say I’ve gotten bitten by the history bug,” DeVos said, adding that she was about to Google Robert E. Lee, Stonewall Jackson, and George Washington.
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