Pence Asks Jesus to Rapture Him Up Before Mueller Can Indict Him
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Vice-President Mike Pence has requested that Jesus Christ rapture him up before the special counsel Robert Mueller can indict him, a source close to Pence confirmed on Friday.
Shortly after the former national-security adviser Michael Flynn pleaded guilty to lying to the F.B.I., Pence contacted Jesus to discuss the early rapture proposal, the source said.
The source characterized Pence’s request to be raptured up as “urgent” but did not indicate whether the Vice-President asked Jesus to rapture up any other senior Administration officials.
“Some of these people will have to be left behind, for obvious reasons,” the source said. “Jared, for example.”
After the news of Pence’s conversation with Jesus leaked to the press, the Vice-President released an official statement, intended to tamp down speculation about his rapture request.
“I had a good conversation with Jesus Christ earlier in the day,” the statement read. “We touched on the timetable of my rapturing-up, along with a broad range of other issues. That is all I have to say at the present time.”
"My Gripe With Christianity"
The Christian Doctrine Of Damnation... And The Destruction Of Christ-Spirit
Compendium Of Best Pax Posts On Organized Religion And The Everyday Validation Of Violence
The Obsolescence Of God:
Good Religion And Bad
"Has America Lost Its Mind?" 1A's Brilliant Interview With "Fantasyland's" Kurt Andersen
Televangelist Jim Bakker Resurrected: If This Doesn't Scare The Bejesus Out Of You, Repent For Your End Is Near!
Many Christians Live In An Unbreakable Bubble Of Biblical And Theological Dunderheadedness
No comments:
Post a Comment