VIDEO: The Inside Scoop On Trump's Hair
PYONGYANG (The Borowitz Report)—In a week when Donald J. Trump suffered the worst hair day of his Presidency, North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un taunted his American nemesis by releasing a photo of his own hair easily withstanding a gale-force wind.
The photo showed a broadly smiling Kim, his hair seemingly unperturbed by what the state-run Korean Central News Agency (KCNA) claimed were winds gusting up to fifty miles per hour.
According to KCNA’s news release, “Dear Leader’s mighty wind-resistant raven mane easily overmatches the American dotard’s sparse bleached strands.”
Perhaps in response to Kim’s taunt, the White House doctor, Ronny Jackson, held a hastily scheduled press conference to give an upbeat assessment of Trump’s hair.
“I have thoroughly examined the President’s hair, and in my medical opinion it is substantially thicker, lusher, and more luxuriant than Kim Jong Un’s hair,” he said, adding, “I hate myself.”
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