Alan: I grew up in a happy Catholic home with 4 siblings, an experience that imparted a self-evident truth: when there are more than 2 children in a family, parents realize they have neither time nor emotional resource to dote on their "many" kids as they did with #1 and #2.
And so these "small-family parents" surrender many parental functions - or perhaps it is more accurate to say they surrender tasks which they previously considered parental functions -- to the kids themselves.
Parents with 3 or more children realize that numerous offspring bring with them ready-made "replacements" so that the loss of a child is not nearly as calamitous as losing "one of two," or -- God forbid! -- "The One And Only!"
And so these "small-family parents" surrender many parental functions - or perhaps it is more accurate to say they surrender tasks which they previously considered parental functions -- to the kids themselves.
Parents with 3 or more children realize that numerous offspring bring with them ready-made "replacements" so that the loss of a child is not nearly as calamitous as losing "one of two," or -- God forbid! -- "The One And Only!"
Consequently, parents with no more than two children tie themselves in a double knot.
The first "hitch" is the unbearable angst of "losing a child" when they "have only one," or, losing a second child so that the remaining child is forever traumatized by the unique sadness of "being left alone."
The second "hitch" is the anticipatory dread that parental action might be "wrong," making parents (at least in theory) responsible for a calamity that will devastate a small family - a calamity that would be much more easily assimilated by a family with multiple "shock absorbers."
Growing Up
What makes us who we are? How do parents mold children into who they are? In this hour, TED speakers reflect on how our upbringing shapes us.
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