Yes, Tyler is still a boy.
That’s what people who heard about him have wondered.
Video
This video from the Post’s May 2012 profile shows Tyler at age 5, soon after his parents first allowed him to live as a boy. Now age 6, he shows no signs of wanting to be a girl again. (The Post is using the name his parents would have given him if he had been born a boy to protect the family’s identity outside their community, where their situation already is widely known.)
After a Maryland couple decided to listen to their 5-year-old daughter’s urgent and persistent insistence that she was a boy, after a psychiatrist told them it would be healthy to let the child live as a boy, after they let him pick a boy name and found a school that would enroll the child in kindergarten as a boy last year, Tyler’s parents have had no second thoughts.
“It’s not a phase,” said his mother, Jean. “Anyone who meets him says, ‘Yeah, that’s a boy.’ ”
It’s only the people who have never met him who wonder.
More than 18 months into the public switch, Tyler shows no signs of ever wanting to be Kathryn again.
I wrote about the family’s wrenching decision and learning process last year. I walked with this family through some of the first steps it took in the public transition and watched throughout the year as the child blossomed and flourished in kindergarten. (The Washington Post decided to use family members’ middle names and the name they would’ve given Kathryn if she had been born a boy to protect their privacy.)
I can tell you from plenty of firsthand observation that Tyler is doing great.
“Come on! Let’s play Batman!” he screamed to my younger son, his partner in crime on a recent play date. The two boys swam together, compared Lego guys and had sword fights.
Whenever the family watches television, Tyler roots for the boy characters.
His home looks like a house with a son. Karate gear, soccer balls, cars, trucks and pirate swords abound. At school, he’s a boy. Plain and simple.
“It became a lot easier once the transition was done,” Jean said. “The dust settled, and everything is relatively easy now.”
At 6, Tyler is on the younger side of the transgender community. But that’s not because he is unusual. Most transgender adults say they knew from a very young age that they felt miscast in their bodies. And doctors agree that gender identity usually manifests between 3 and 6 years of age.
What’s different is that Tyler’s parents — both schoolteachers and coaches — decided to listen to their child. They ignored the family members who expressed shock and disbelief. They ignored the teasing from a neighborhood bully. They ignored the gossip among some co-workers.
Instead, Jean and Stephen let Tyler pick his name, his clothes and his toys. Instantly a happier, healthier child emerged from the surly preschooler who was always fighting over dresses and leotards and the word “she.”
Since I recounted their journey, Jean and Stephen have met seven other families in the area who have very young gender-variant kids.
They are starting an informal support group, linking all the families online to talk about things like school enrollment, sports, bathroom use — all the logistics that come with a switch at an early age.
Their current challenge is legally changing their child’s name.
Tyler’s father would like to take him and his older sister to see his homeland, outside the United States. But the idea of applying for a passport and traveling abroad with a girl’s name and a boy’s picture on a passport scares them to death. So they’ve decided to postpone any travel.
If you're transgender, and your family had strong gender roles, people say, "Ah! That's why you're transgender." If your family didn't have strong gender roles, other people say, "Ah! That's why you're transgender."
Being transgender isn't a social movement, a political philosophy, or a cultural trend. It doesn't have to be treated a certain way under progressive or traditionalist thought. It's just a medical condition related to brain differentiation. That's all. Nothing more.