MENLO
PARK — Before a rapt audience at Facebook headquarters
Thursday, Facebook C.E.O. Mark Zuckerberg unveiled new software that he
promised “will totally change the way you are wasting your life.”
Explaining
the development of Facebook’s new phone software, Home, Mr. Zuckerberg said,
“Our research showed that Facebook users still had a few hours a day when they
were leading somewhat healthy and productive lives. Our new software will
change all of that.”
Mr.
Zuckerberg said his developers had worked for months developing Home, “which
seizes control of your phone and makes it good for little other than
Facebook—much like many Facebook users themselves.”
By
bombarding the user with continous status updates, he
boasted, “Home transforms Facebook from just a social network into something
akin to a neurological disorder.”
As the
audience applauded that pronouncement, Mr. Zuckerberg added, “At Facebook, we
want to be a million voices inside your head.”
When one
member of the audience worried whether Home would give Facebook even more
access to private information about one’s life, Mr. Zuckerberg reassured the
questioner, “After using Home for several weeks, you will have no life.”
While clearly
proud of his latest product, Mr. Zuckerberg gave notice that he did not intend
to rest on his laurels: “At Facebook, we will never stop striving to replace
real experience with something soulless and empty.”
Read more:
http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2013/04/facebook-unveils-new-waste-of-time.html#ixzz2PnyQFMbF
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