The Borowitz Report: "You Can't Polish A Turd"

Not the news. Satire from The Borowitz Report National Archives Report Someone Tried to Scrawl “Total Authority” with Sharpie on U.S. Constitution “It looked like the work of a small child, but there are no school groups here because of the coronavirus and whatnot,” a security guard said. By Andy Borowitz Satire from The Borowitz Report Trump Says He Has Been Treated Very Unfairly by People Who Wrote Constitution “When literally everything I want to do is magically a violation of the Constitution, that’s very unfair and bad treatment,” Trump said. By Andy Borowitz Satire from The Borowitz Report Trump Tests Negative For Empathy “I expected him to test negative,” Dr. Sean Conley said of the President. “Empathy-wise, he has been entirely asymptomatic.” By Andy Borowitz